Tiff’s Life
Speaker: Tiffany Han
Hello, I’m not really giving a message; I’m going to give my life testimony. Tiff’s life, oh exciting. This is my life until now. I think I’m like, right here, right? Now. I was born in 1994 and I moved to Washington State in 2000. Before that, I was attending a Darakbang church, so I would sit in the front where my grandma was, and I’d play with Barbies, and I’d listen to the message, and I would teach the basic message every day.
Then, I moved to Washington and went to middle school and high school; I graduated high school in 2013, so during this time, I went to church but I didn’t have the gospel. Actually, towards the end, I didn’t even go to church because I had to prepare for college.
Lonely, 98% -> Scar
Around 2006, my sister went to college so I was so lonely, and I told this to the kids during the retreat, but I moved around Washington seven times, so I didn’t have any friends. This became a scar and I never felt I belonged anywhere. Even if I was with my friends, I felt so lonely. Before I say the next thing, I want to say,” I love my parents. They are the best parents I could ever ask for”. But they always made me feel, where I’m 2% short my full potential is 100%, and that became a scar.
I Must Be #1
Both of these made me want to become Number One. I wanted to become the most popular, prettiest, funniest and this is still something I battle with today. Within all this, again, it’s not that my parents are bad people, but because we are humans I, just like you, am human, so I have original sin.
Humans – Original Sin
So even thought we went to church and believed in Jesus, our nature is sinful. And instead of living for Jesus Christ, Jesus was a tool I had to get whatever I wanted, which is an idol.
Idol
And that idol for me was to become #1 for everything because of my scar, and this idol and scar led to a lot of mental problems.
Mental Problem
Some of this included, in sixth grade, around the same time my sister left, coincidentally, I became a huge bully because I was lonely, but I wanted to be #1, so I would protect myself from being left out by leaving other people out. So, actually at my old church, I made every single kid cry. One of them went to the hospital, and I made fun of him and he would cry. And I thought it was cool because everybody laughed but it actually made me more lonely.
When I moved onto high school, I took a total of something like 9 AP classes and I was part of the drill team and I was ASB president, but in every single one of those things, I felt like I was 98%, and I thought, “Maybe if I become the prettiest, I will be more liked by people,” so in high school, I lost a lot of weight but I still felt really fat, so I starved myself all day, and when I ate one meal, I would throw up. Even in college, I went to China and lost a lot of weight, and people said I looked sick, but I still felt fat.
These mental problems started from scars and stick with you and affect every part of your life. Then, as you guys know, once I got into college, I went to college for four years, and then I graduated in 2017. During this time, I had severe depression, well, I don’t want to say “severe depression” because some people have much more severe depression, but I had depression and powerlessness, so I would sleep for 26 hours a day. I would go to sleep around 1pm or 2pm and then I would wake up the next day at 6pm, so obviously, I missed many of my classes and because I was stressed out about my classes, I would go back to sleep because I had so much anxiety.
Mental Problems – Anger, Depression
But not only that, I took sociology classes, and it made me very angry so I had anger and depression. Sociology teaches you about racism, sexism, and classism, and I hated those things, but because I hated them so much, it made me racist, sexist, and classist. So, I’m not like this anymore, but I used to hate rich, white men. Even when I passed a stranger, I would be so angry, “Ugh, you’re probably a rapist.”
Physical Problems
I’ve delved into some of the physical and mental problems that I had including depression, anorexia, anger, and bullying. They all came from my scars from childhood, but no one gave me the scar on purpose; as humans, we have no choice but to be scarred because we’re human. However, I see my parents have a lot of the same scars that I have.
Generation
They can be very angry and worried, and they want to be Number 1, and again, I love my parents, but even now, I see that, when they’re worried, they hold onto their thoughts; they don’t hold onto the Word of God. Then, when everything is okay, they hold onto God’s Word and say, “Oh, God provides and God is good!” But the thing is, my parents passed all these problems and scars down to me because, on a normal day, they are in their human thoughts, their idols, their mental problems and physical problems, including money problems.
The thing is, we don’t have an option; my parents could do that, and my parents and I still turned out okay. This world is so evil and wicked and confusing and dark, so if we do this to our kids, they are going to die. They’re teaching transcendental meditation to preschoolers and kindergarteners, everyone. They teach it on TV shows through the celebrities, and it’s in Matthew 12, when you empty yourself, you get filled with demons.
You have to fill yourself with the Spirit and Word of God. If you leave yourself empty, you will be filled by something, you will be taught in the world that LGBTQ is good, and our parents taught us to hate LGBTQ. A lot of them still hate it. We cannot do that; we have to save them. We can’t follow the world and say that it’s good, but we have to know that it comes from sin and it’s an idol, mental problem, and physical problem. You’re not going to fix that with hate; you have to fix it with Christ.
[ Only Christ ]
In the world, there are going to be things like artificial intelligence and things that all the companies are racing towards. That means the future is getting faster, and 99.9% of people are going to be left behind. So, in the past, if you worked hard and studied hard, you could make it big, but now, we are battling against computers that can compute tens of thousands of times faster than humans; there’s no competition.
So, the people who are wealthy and investing their money into companies built on AI will only become more wealthy, and the people who are working everyday jobs will become poorer. As that wealth inequality gets bigger and bigger, what do you think will happen? People are going to idolize money; they already do. It’s going to lead to mental problems: there is going to be a lot more anger and hatred. It’s going to lead to physical problems, like rioting. We saw a lot of riots in 2020, but that’s only the beginning.
So, all these problems will go back to create more scars, which lead to increasing cycles like this, so please, please, remnants, look up. When the Word tells us that studying is not enough, it doesn’t mean, “stop studying,” it means that, with only studying and your hard work, you cannot survive.
There is a very extremely dark world coming, and the only answer is only Christ. The only things that computers cannot do is save people’s spirits. I’m going to come back to this, the solution is only Christ, but it may seem like, “What does that mean?” I’ll tell you.
This whole time, my grandma forced me to come to church. Pastor Park mentioned in the messages that I would come to church and cry in the back, then I would interpret. There was one time–I want to apologize to my grandma in public on YouTube. One time, she drove all the way to my house at USC with breakfast, and she said, “I have breakfast, let’s go to church,” and I yelled at her from my window saying, “I’m not going; leave me alone.” She waited there, so I left her car, yelled at her some more and then went back into the house. I’m so sorry, but now, it’s a testimony, grandma. So, that was the beginning.
In junior year, I stopped believing in God. I started believing that, it’s just an excuse that weak people use because they can’t handle life. In junior and senior year, I started taking a Jewish history class,
Jewish History
This was the first time I started believing in the Bible because the history lined up; it made sense. I wasn’t learning this from a pastor; I was learning this from a professor, and all my other classes started to make sense, too. My sociology class started to make sense. I saw the real problem is this. Then I took another class, Science of Happiness. Which taught me transcendental meditation.
.… what’s on the board?
And everything I’m hearing from the messages, “Oh wait, I’m hearing it from college, too,” so I started believing in it more and more. So remnants, whenever you go to school, don’t just study; see the spiritual world through your studies. I see God in history; I see God in math; I see God in science, especially; and literature. So, around senior year, I started believing in the gospel a little bit, and I was hired at my job at Honeywell right after college.
I’ve been at Honeywell for four years. The first year and a half, it was completely my effort because I had this, the “diligence” of 98%, and I did really well. I worked until 3am, I would go home, sleep, shower, and come back to work by 6am. I got awards, I got promoted, and it was really hard, and I was dead. But eventually, no matter how much I worked, I couldn’t keep up. Yeah, like, I couldn’t give anymore, but there was still more to do, so I didn’t want to go to church, and I would stay home instead of going to church, but that still wouldn’t be enough.
Worship and Church #1
So, starting from about 2019, I guess, I changed my strategy, so I lived a terrible, miserable life for two years, but from about 2019 onward, I started putting worship and church first. Pastor Park probably disagrees and says, “Girl, you still didn’t do that,” but definitely, after the coronavirus hit in 2020 I went all into church. This is also when I started praying, too, and I’ll talk more about that in a minute.
Prayer
In reality, since I accepted Christ when I was six years old, I was a child of God, but I didn’t know it and I didn’t believe it. Because I didn’t know or believe this, I had to suffer a lot. This is only the beginning of what I experienced; I can’t tell you about everything right now. But I only started to realize that God is with me through worship, the church, and prayer. I knew that God is with me through His Word, and it happened because every time my sister and I would talk about something and ask questions, Pastor Park would talk about it the next Sunday.
God is with me through the word
There was one time when Pastor Park was talking and I thought, “Is this really true?” Then literally he said, “Is this really true? Yes.” Then I was like, “Whoah, get out of my head!” I’ve experienced so many times where God spoke to me through the Word, I can’t even tell you all of it, but I’ll give you a few examples.
Around 2 years into my job, all my friends started leaving Honeywell, and that’s what millennials do; they go from job to job to make more money. I started praying, “God, do you want me to leave?” That Sunday, the message was, about the pillar of cloud and smoke, and the word I received was when the pillar of cloud stayed, the Israelites stayed, so I stayed.
Another time was, just a few weeks ago, I was really depressed because I missed the 237 discipleship training and I was having a really hard time at work because I couldn’t concentrate. Because I still have this scar deep inside of me, I tried to organize myself through schedules and productivity apps. I prayed to God saying, “God, am I too disorganized to be a disciple? God, are you telling me I can’t do world evangelization?” So, while my sister was listening to the training because she registered on time, I prayed a lot.
“God, what do you want from me?” The answer I got at that time was, “only.” To be honest, I didn’t even know what “only” meant, I thought it was just a catch phrase. Then, this week’s message was about the three “only’s.” So, God gives me an incident that sometimes might feel bad, but if you take it through prayer, God answers you with the Word in such a detailed way. Whenever I get the answer from the Word of God, all my sad emotions change into thankfulness.
God is with you with the Word, but a lot of you guys don’t hear it because you’re not praying. OR, it’s not God’s time schedule. Wait definitely, it’s God’s time schedule didn’t mean to tease you.
Have you ever experienced that, where your parents tell you something and then they get mad at you but you are like “But I told you last week!” That’s like God, He tells us in advance, and we get mad at him even though He told us last week.
Holy Spirit, Peace, Power
Starting from 2020 and now we’re a little bit into 2021, I’ve been praying finding the answer in the word of God, because God is with us through his word and He reveals it through the Holy Spirit. That Holy Spirit gives me the Word, and because I have the Word, I also receive peace and power. This power and peace means, I used to be an angry person but I’m a lot less angry now. Even my dad noticed it, he says I’ve changed a lot since I’ve gone into the gospel. The reason is because now, instead of being angry, I see the whole problem and I see the solution [only Christ]. It’s the same with people, I’m able to understand their problem, and not only do I forgive them, but I can pray for them because I know the solution.
So now, my emotions used to have a fiery temper, but now I’m a lot more calm. Eventually, I want to get to a point where no matter what happens I don’t have any other emotions other than joy and thanksgiving. I’m not there yet, but I’m a lot closer than I used to be. Instead of being scared of the future, I have power in all problems. That’s because I know the result. I know God is with me and that the Kingdom of God will be established.
Kingdom of God
A lot of people got scared during Coronavirus because they might lose their job but I wasn’t scared because God has been guiding me this entire time, so perfectly. It’s not that I wasn’t scared that I might lose my job; I could have, but even that would have been the best thing. So, now instead of being scared or angry because of people or circumstances, this is my prayer topic. Because I have these blessings, I don’t have to fight.
Everyone has to compete to get promoted because there are only a few people who can be promoted, so everyone is fighting for that one position. That’s the pulpit message: everyone wants to be at the top, and they get angry because someone gets it. But for me, and I’ve seen this in my sister as well: we don’t even ask for it, but we rise to the top. For example, I always get put on the best programs just because someone else leaves. Now, because of the coronavirus, all the people who are older than me have left, so I’m the second-most senior person in the entire group. That means I have a lot more work than what I’m getting paid for, and other people get mad for me, but I don’t get mad for myself, because this has been God’s guidance and I’m doing it with God’s power not my power.
Angels
The next thing God is giving me faith about is regarding angels. We hear in the message about the angels transcending time and space but I haven’t experienced it the way I’ve experienced the other blessings so far, so I know what’s coming next because the Word of God tells me the future.
Field
What I know in the midst of all this, though, is that God has been guiding me to establish the kingdom of God in my field
World Evangelization
Then He is going to lead me to world evangelization. I saw world evangelization in history and now I’ve seen it in my life, so I get it if remnants think that world evangelization is not true because you haven’t seen it yet, but through history and through the messages, you can see it in the span of the whole world. Through prayer and the messages, you can see it in your life. But if you don’t pray and you don’t listen to the Word, God is telling you, but you’re not listening, then you can’t really get mad at God for that, right? You know what you have to do.
That’s why I listen to so many messages because every single time I do, it gives me more and more faith in this, because I see it more and more in my life. All the times I’ve received an answer from the Word of God, I wouldn’t have experienced it if I didn’t go to church the next day. So, this is not about religion or laws; it’s about blessings and how much you’re enjoying them.
Yesterday, Pastor Park said something I really said “Amen,” to: “I know you guys are blessed because God is giving you His Word.” I know that’s true, but when. You look at yourself you might not see that because you’re still stuck here. But if you look with the eyes of the gospel, then you begin to look past your weaknesses and you see the answer of “only.”
The way to apply the Word of God through your life is through prayer; have quiet time. Otherwise, if you just listen to the messages, it starts sounding like nagging, it becomes a burden, but when you pray about it, you hear and feel God’s love. You know God is not mean or strict, but you feel how much God loves you and how much God tries to bless you.
It’s way different. He gives you strength, so whenever you can. Today, when I was taking the dogs out for a walk, I was breathing and praying, “God, You are with me right now, I’m going to receive Your Word, so bless Pastor Park,” because the Word of God is the source of our blessings, so the church and the pastor and worship is our #1 priority and our source of life.
So, even if you don’t feel anything right now, keep praying, then one day, you’ll go through the Way of Salvation and feel how much Jesus loves you. That’s when I cried a lot. Once that happens, everything takes place naturally, so just don’t be discouraged, don’t look at yourself, but keep on going into the Word, and the blessings will come naturally according to God’s time schedule.
We keep falling back. There are some times I receive the filling of the Holy Spirit and the next day, I’m completely self-centered and idolatrous. That’s completely okay because you’re still a child of God. So, whenever you fall short, it’s another chance for you to be thankful because you’re still a child of God. Then instead of feeling so guilty and, “Oh, why am I like this?” You look at Christ instead of yourself.
The world says, “You have to take responsibility,” but the gospel says, “Christ has already taken the responsibility.” So, take all the words you’ve heard from the world and turn them into the gospel. That’s my testimony of my life. It’s still going towards world evangelization, and I know the next answer I will receive. All of this is going towards only Jesus Christ, because through Jesus Christ, we’ve received the filling of the holy spirit which reveals the Word of God.
So, really, only Jesus Christ is everything in our lives, to the point where our friends, family, and even our parents won’t be able to understand it. For the remnants especially, when our parents get stressed out, they will fall back into their anxieties and their nature. They will start emphasizing success, money and studying again and when they do that, don’t argue back at them. Forgive them, see their spiritual state, and remember your mission, why you have to study, and the power with which you will study. Then you’ll have peace because it’s not you; you’re not fighting against your parents. Show your parents Christ if they are not able to show Christ to you. You can only do that if you’re getting the answer from only the Word, and only prayer. Okay, that’s all, let’s pray.
Prayer
Heavenly Father God, thank You so much for everything in our lives, You give us the answer through Your Word. You remind us and teach us Your Word and give us power through the Holy Spirit. All of our lives go towards spreading only Jesus Christ to the world. In the dark and wicked world we live in, You have given us the only Light and Answer. May we not be lost in the problems, but may we shine this Light that transcends time and space. Give us the spiritual strength to go all-in to worship and prayer, and saving lives. But even if that time schedule isn’t now, we thank You because we’re children of God. We love You and thank You so much, in Jesus Christ’s name we pray, amen.